Wednesday, August 08, 2007

My heart is breaking....



My Daughter told me today that she will be moving way down south.... I probably won't see my first and only Grand Daughter much for most of her life... This saddens me beyond words... I have cried most of the day for my losses. I had hoped to be involved for much of her life. I have been with her almost every other day for the past 6 months. I diapered and dressed her in the hospital, I fed her first bottle to her , I stayed up for 3 solid days after she was born taking care of Bella and my Daughter. I love this little girl with all of my heart and I know I seem selfish right now but I just wish I could crawl under a rock and sleep this away. I know thats not gonna happen so I just feel like crying.....
I know that if this move of theirs was made with better thinking I would still be sad, but I think that the 3 of them will be no better off where they are going. If truth be known, I have been closer to my Daughter Jessica than either Erin or Will, but I always felt Jessica needed it. I spoiled her and she is repaying me by taking something from me and that breaks my heart.... I am trying to work through my feelings of loss and hurt and will try and post another day.... I went into Wal-Mart and cried the whole time because I saw the little princess dress I had thought I would be sharing with Bella one day, I looked at the learning toys I thought I would be sharing with her some time, I saw the toys I had been putting off buying just yet all because I thought I had time to get them. Now I am faced with a loss that I know to some may sound silly, I realize that many Grand Parents live far from their Grand Children but I want mine near me. I have loved Bella since Jessica first told me she was pregnant and now I have to let go. I hate it.... So with tears I sit, trying to understand why I again have to give what seems irrelevant to some but so devastating to me......

4 comments:

Ginene said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I know you are sad. It's not silly at all feel that way. I hope you get to see her through many visits in the future.

Shan said...

I'm so sorry that your grand daughter is moving away. Having family far away is not an easy thing.It's just no fair. Hugs.

darlene said...

oh i feel your hurt, when loved ones we are close to move, your in my thoughts

Sugar Queens Dream said...

Ginene,Shan,Darlene Thank you for the comments! I'm really hoping that she changes her mind.... Right now I have just decided to wait and see.....
Peace!